When every part of me wants to hide,
Close off all from my world inside,
I may not stand tall,
But I will not stay small,
And still show my heavy eyes,
Without the shield of lies.
I’m sure you’ve been bombarded with suicide hotlines today considering the recent celebrity suicides (amongst the many other suicides throughout the world).
Although it is wonderful to make those numbers known… I also want to share the reality that many of us who are extremely depressed may not consider ourselves “bad enough” to call one. In fact, it can be tough to simply reach out to a friend (if we feel like we have any). When feeling depressed, we tend to feel smaller than others and unworthy. At least, I personally have the fear of somehow inconveniencing someone with my woes, so I almost never reach out to anyone. I have no problem being open to someone who can be trustworthy and respectful… but not only can that be hard to come by, but I also usually need to be prompted.
Offering a hotline number feels like the equivalent of receiving a life vest so I don’t die. Which is good, but what about all of the stuff before I’m in the life threatening moment …
I think that the best thing we could all do as a way of combating death by depression is actively connect and show care in our friendships (not just as a passing mental health fad!). Call or text to check in with each other. Ask the questions. Show those you love that you genuinely care about them, their well-being, and reality. If someone is not ready to talk… it’s okay. Just knowing that someone is in your corner does wonders for the psyche.
It was interesting, as the idea of reblogging suicide hotlines went viral…. I notice I’ve been growing more depressed and isolated lately. While I certainly don’t expect people to check in with me daily, I am very grateful for the one who does on a darker day, or any day really… because they may not solve my problems or say the right things, but remembering that there are still people who care about my life and emotions has been some sort of lighthouse in the fog.
Life is tough, and can roller coaster on the daily. If you want to be a resource for others and want people to be comfortable coming to you… don’t just post online, reach out personally and let those loved ones know. Repeatedly. Until they believe you 💟
I read an analogy today… perhaps the best I’ve heard for suicide:
I am here to create art, in every sense of the word. As I use my movement to express some of what I hold inside, I aim to bring you closer with the states of love, beauty, pain, destruction, and rebirth we all constantly endure through various mediums and in several magnitudes. I am a window, giving you a look inside a vulnerable soul. Dare to take a glimpse at my experience?
Hometown: San Diego, California
Currently booking throughout the USA. Passport ready for international considerations.
